DON'T Listen To What Your Mother Says


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DON'T Listen To What Your Mother Says

retro photo of mother - Girl Zone

Find out what she means.

By Cinse Bonino

Mira and her friend, Amy, walked through the back door into the kitchen. Mira's mom and her Aunt Dee were sitting at the table drinking coffee and planning Mira's older sister, Susan's wedding. Perfect, perfect, perfect Susan who was marrying the perfect, perfect guy. It made Mira crazy. She knew that she should be happy for Susan, but she was sooooo tired of hearing how wonderful Susan looked, acted, walked, and talked.

As Mira and Amy reached the table they overheard Mira's mom say, "No, Dee, Susan hasn't make up her mind about which gown to wear. She's lucky though, with her height she would look pretty in any of them."

"Hi, Mrs. DeAngelo," Amy said as the girls reached the table. "We're just going upstairs to do our homework, Mom," Mira echoed. "Hi, Aunt Dee," Mira said and gave her aunt a quick kiss on the cheek trying to escape the kitchen as quickly as possible. But she wasn't quick enough; once again, she had to listen to her mom's complaints.

"How many times do I have to tell you, Mira, DON'T slouch. Please try and stand up straight." Mira felt blasted.

"She thinks I'm ugly," Mira thought as she and Amy hurried up the steps. "I'll never look like Susan; my legs will always be short. Susan's hair is blonde; mine just keeps getting darker."

Mira felt sure that her mom was convinced that there was no hope for her in the looking beautiful department. Mira had to admit that her mom was probably right, but did she have to remind her over and over that Susan was beautiful, and she wasn't?

Mira tried to shake her negative thoughts as she and Amy ran up the stairs. They were anxious to get their homework over with. But what they really wanted to do the most was talk about the other kids at school. Especially those kids who just happened to be boys.

They didn't hear Mira's mom talking downstairs. "I don't know why that girl won't stand up straight." Her mother said to Dee. "She's going to be twice the beauty that Susan is. Now, don't get me wrong; I think both my girls are pretty, but Susan is just that, pretty. Mira is special. She has that beautiful dark blonde hair with reddish highlights, and she has a real figure. She's not tall and scrawny like all those too skinny models. She has a beautiful shape already . If only she would stand up straight so the rest of the world could see how beautiful she is. I just don't understand it. Doesn't she realize that she's lovely?"

What's going on here?

We can tell that Mira's mom thinks Mira is beautiful. So why can't Mira ?

Mira's problem is that she is listening to her mother. Yes, Yes, everyone knows that it is supposed to be a good thing to listen to your mother. But what if your mother's words don't match what she really means?

Do you think that Mira's mom is mean? Is she purposefully being too harsh, too rough in the way that she talks to Mira?

Maybe that is just the way that she talks. Or maybe Mira's mom is afraid to tell Mira that she is beautiful. Perhaps she worries that Mira would get conceited.

There's another possibility: Mira's mom might think that Mira already knows that she is beautiful.

And what about Mira? Is she saying what she feels?

She is doing a lot of thinking and reacting in her head, but she isn't talking about how she feels. Not even to her good friend, Amy. Do you think that it would help if Mira talked to her mom? What if she told her mom that she felt ugly, or asked her mom why she always talks so glowingly about Susan and does nothing but pick on Mira.

If Mira really believes that she already knows what her mother thinks, why would she even talk to her? We heard what Mira's mom said in the kitchen, but Mira didn't.

Maybe if mothers and daughters talked to each other whenever they felt uncomfortable, it would help. It would sure clear the air. But Mira better be prepared to hear some things that she won't like. She and her mom won't always agree. Her mother probably doesn't realize how critical she sounds. And even though her mom does think Mira is beautiful, she is still crazed about Mira slouching so much. There's some disapproval coming at Mira from her mom, but it's not nearly as horrible as Mira believes.