I Don't Trust Him

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I Don't Trust Him

Hello, 
I've liked my best friend for a while but so did my other best friend. They started dating so I quietly stepped out and soon they forgot about me. I was going through some family issue then so I was pretty stressed. Since he wasn't there for me my feelings for him faded. They broke up but we all managed to stay friends. I wasn't as close with her though cuz I hated her for not being there for me. After all he was a guy and you sort of expect them not to notice. A year or so passed and while I still wasn't as close with her, I grew to be close to him. He started being extremely nice to me and making not-so-subtle moves on me but I just thought he was being a good friend. When he started kissing me I knew that I was wrong. Idk how but my feelings came back and I really really wanna be with him but I can't bring myself to forget how he wasn't there for me and there's this nagging feeling that all he wants is some girl to make out with cuz I used to be fat but that family thing made me stop eating and I lost a ton of weight. He's being really nice but he's always nice to the girls he wants to date and he never cared about me when I was fat. Ever. 
What should I do? 

Ashli

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Hi Ashli,

First of all, I'm so sorry you are going through a difficult time with your family. Loss of appetite is a big sign of stress. Have you tried talking to a school counselor, trusted relative or teacher? I hope so cause you definitely need support now more than ever. Also, try finding some coping skills that help relieve some of your stress, like journaling, art, exercise, school clubs etc.

Ok, back to the boy! It sounds like you have some resentment about how he treated you in the past. Understandable! I think the only way to get past these feelings of not trusting him or being unsure of his motives is to talk to him about it. You don't have to do it in a way that makes him feels attacked oe get defensive. You can just say something along these lines,

"I was going through a really hard time with my family when you and my BF were dating. I wished you guys could have been there for me. It's cool we're getting closer now, I like spending time with you. but I can't help but wonder what has changed for you?"

See what he says. See if you can accept and be ok with his answer. If you don't feel comfortable with asking him directly, pay attention to his actions. Actions speak louder than words. Is he there to talk when you need him? Does he treat you good and make you feel special? If he does these things over a long period of time, than you may want to focus on moving forward, rather than looking back.  

Keep me posted on how it goes!

 

GZ Advisor